First off let me just say it’s been a while and I’ve missed you guys. I would like more worthwhile trailers please Hollywood! Anyway, today we get a new trailer for the Jack Reacher sequel Never Go Back and honestly, it’s a little paint by numbers. I didn’t hate it or anything, but it’s kinda just a Mission: Impossible trailer but instead of Tom Cruise being a spy he’s a Bourne-esque drifter with less tech and more Maria Hill er, Aunt Robin er, Colby Smulders.

For those unaware, there are 20 some-odd Jack Reacher stories out there from British author Lee Child. This one (shockingly) is based on the story “Never Go Back” where Jack has to clear his old C.O.’s name after being set-up. Punching and car chases ensue.

I remember the first movie as being a pretty decent modern action movie that, especially with all the source material, warranted a sequel. So here we have it. Why don’t we take some time and let’s talk about the Jack Reacher: Never Go Back trailer. 

• Couple of logos quickly start us off, Paramount and Skydance. Pretty trailer-like so far.
• A sheriff’s deputy gets out of his cruiser and assess a crime scene. Using his superior police skills he asks, “what’s going on?”
• We see a group of guys writhing on the ground in front of a diner and are told that there was a fight and one guy took all of them out.
• “He’s still in there”, and the camera pulls focus to see Jack (Tom Cruise) sipping coffee at the diner.
• The deputy enters the diner and draws his gun on Jack, who turns slowly and puts his hands up. We haven’t seen him punch anybody yet so the anticipation is building, I guess.
• The Sheriff teleports in to tell Jack that aggravated assault is illegal in this state, which I bet Reacher already knew. He has Jack put in handcuffs to be “processed”.
• Jack prophesies that two things will happen in the next 90 seconds. One that the phone will ring and two the Sheriff will be wearing the cuffs. Guess what happens next. If you guessed both of those things happening you win!
• The Sheriff is arrested by army guys for some reason, then I remember that Jack was an MP before he went all Caine from Kung-Fu.
• Colby Smulders’ Major Turner is on the phone with Jack thanking him for the tip off to the Sheriff. She asks him when he’s coming to DC. He says he moves around a lot.
• Turner goes over Jack’s list of accomplishments for the sake of exposition. She tells him that people wonder why he left.
• Turner has a big dent in her desk that people tell her Jack made with someone’s head. That’s murder right? Like, you don’t just get to dent metal desks with someone’s head and not kill them.
• Jack shows up in DC (which must have been part of his moving around a lot plans) and asks to see Turner. Turn(er)s out she’s been arrested.
• Tom Cruise does that confused, thinking, look he does in his movies almost as much as he runs and rides motorcycles.
• Jack posits that Turner has been set up and presumably heads off to clear her name. Or at least punch some people.
• Jack punches a guy through a car window, which must have really hurt. He pulls a gun and tells the other guy in the car he doesn’t like being followed.
• Reacher totally Bournes Holt McCallany‘s character I assume is named New Guy in Charge, by being on the phone with him inside his own house. He beats him up just a little bit and tells him that he might rip his arm off and beat him to death with it, which is a huge escalation.
• We quickly move forward to Jack being escorted through a prison by an officer. He shaky cam fights the officer and takes his uniform.
• Jack makes it to a confused Turner just in time to tell her that the guards there are going to kill her. More military men are beaten.
• Jack and Turner (which coincidentally are two “Boy Meets World” characters and I start thinking how hilarious this movie would be with Matthew Lawrence and Anthony Tyler Quinn staring) escape in a stolen Military Police car. 
• Turner tells Jack that her men were killed by one of their own and it’s bigger than she imagined.
• She asks Jack if he’s ever lost anyone on his watch, which I’m sure is the catalyst for why Reacher went all David Banner in the first place.
• Prerequisite car chase.
• Patrick Heusinger‘s The Hunter tells Jack he’s a dead man. I mean, if your title is “The Hunter” isn’t that implied?
• Jack quips back, as things exploding are intercut, that The Hunter thinks he’s above the law, but Jack isn’t the law and he should start running because he’s going to start hunting. This probably sounded cooler in his head.
• More action montage as Jack finishes his really long threat about finding and killing everyone.
• After the title card Jack beats a guy up in the bathroom at the front of a plane, which seems really un-stealthy.
• He sits down next to another guy and has another quip about how military guys have the same haircut and probably all go to the same barber. But, like, he was in the military and knows that they all get the same haircut as part of the uniform. C’mon Reacher, you can do better than that.
• Jack then steals a page from Commando and beats the guy up in his plane seat while no one around him seems to notice.

And that’s that, a pretty predictable Tom Cruise action movie. I’m not sure this is a must see for me, especially in the theater. But I can see this being a fun Saturday afternoon watch from my couch when it hits HBO/Netflix.

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back opens everywhere on October, 21st.

From Hollywood,

-Loren