Welcome to the Weekend Watch. Where we try to point you towards the best ways to spend your viewing time (or, at least, steer you clear of the garbage).
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
Loren: Man, Ser Jorah can’t seem to get away from zombies and dragons. I think I’m ok here.
RDT: Ahh, the final chapter. Our national nightmare is finally over. (Until the inevitable reboot…)
Rick: People who know me/frequent readers of this column know I have fairly wide-ranging tastes. I can say, without shame, that I’ve seen the previous six Resident Evils in the theater. I even paid extra to see the fourth movie in its native 3D. They’ve gotten increasingly ridiculous as the series has gone on and I can’t wait to see what weird lunacy they inject into the last chapter.
Jen: Seven? There are seven of these? You’d think based on sheer dumb luck I’d have seen one of them. Congrats on Milla Jovovich to still kicking ass at 41.
A Dog’s Purpose
RDT: What Rick said below. Based on that trailer, I have no desire to see a dog die and get reincarnated over and over again.
Rick: Even before the whole kerfuffle about animal abuse surfaced, there was zero chance of me seeing this movie.
Jen: What Ryan said about about having no desire to see a dog die over and over, and what Loren said about nope.
The Salesman (Limited)
Loren: I don’t think I need to see Iranian Death Wish, of course I don’t need to see American Death Wish again either.
RDT: If this movie is good, I await the mediocre American remake. If it’s not good, meh.
Rick: I keep meaning to watch A Separation but haven’t gotten around to it. I’ll be sure to before watching this.
Jen: This looks like it could be really good, but the likelihood of me seeking it out is low.
Un Padre No Tan Padre (Limited)
Loren: I don’t think I need to see Mexican Dirty Grandpa, of course I don’t need to see American Dirty Grandpa either.
RDT: *see comments for The Salesman
Rick: This looks kind of fun. I think RDT is spot on with his prediction of a shoddy English-language remake. I’d rather watch the original, though.
Jen: This looks… fine. I’m happy to see predictable filmmaking is a global endeavor.
Loren: Rumble in India. I won’t rush out to see this but I’ll stream it at some point.
RDT: I feel like this is one of those movie where I should be like “The title alone is going to get me into the theater!” But, well, it won’t, even with Jackie Chan.
Rick: This feels like a slightly wackier version of Armour of the Gods (1986). I also appreciate that Jackie Chan is still kicking ass in his 60s. I’ll give it a shot. I’m hoping for a sequel/spin-off called Sexy Tai-Chi.
Jen: So this is not related to Kung-Fu Panda? Jackie Chan’s still got it. He’s the Baryshnikov of martial arts. I could be onboard with this film.
Loren: One of the shows that I’m working on did a piece about the story this is based on. It’s pretty fascinating but I don’t have any desire to see it played out in a movie.
RDT: This kinda looks like a Big Short-like movie about buying/selling gold, but, well, not as good.
Jen: I’ll be honest, RDT had to point out that I forgot to comment on this one. I think that is my comment on this one.
Get the Girl (Limited)
Loren: What even was that? I guess we’re always asking for different takes on tired tropes so there’s that.
RDT: I dunno, it kinda looks different, I guess. Not good, but different-ish.
Rick: There’s something very 90s about this that appeals to me. If I can find this on-demand for cheap I’ll see how it fares.
Jen: I can’t tell if this is funny or scary or funny-scary, but it is a new idea so sure. I’ll stay home that night, but you guys go and tell me about it.
I Am Michael (Limited)
Loren: Organized religion is not my bag. Good or bad.
RDT: James Franco is wildly inconsistent. But this looks like it could be on the better end of the spectrum.
Rick: I agree with RDT on this one. You never really know which level of James Franco you’re going to get. Unless it’s something like Why Him?, then you know you’re getting “phoning it in Franco”. This one looks like it has some real teeth to it. On the list it goes.
Jen: Zachary Quinto and Emma Roberts? For a split second I thought I was watching the trailer for a new season of American Horror Story. And the story has some horrific aspects of it. Making your protagonist a gay man who becomes an anti-gay crusader is a brave choice and I’m curious enough to check it out.
Worlds Apart (Limited)
Loren: This is like 7 movies in one. Too all over the place for my tastes.
RDT: I am intrigued. Love me some JK Simmons! So…maybe…?
Rick: Sooo…is it a movie about love or is it about a social uprising? Or maybe a political thriller? Or is it all of those things and it has wild tonal shifts? I don’t know that I’m curious enough to find out.
Jen: This looks interesting. Certainly not the usual escapist romantic fare. It’s nice to see a love story that’s not a generic rom-com.
Loren: This just feels like a bad episode of Black Mirror or Doctor Who to me. I don’t know, I’d have to be really bored to watch this.
RDT: I already have so much TV to watch. If it gets some buzz, sure, I’ll add it to the list.
Rick: Cell phone fragments imbedded in the brain gives one superpowers…I’ve watched movies with dumber premises than that. Though they were probably on the SyFy channel or USA Up All Night, not a well-regarded streaming network. And you couldn’t come up with a better title than that? There’s a rash of cell phone-related titles you could have done. Signal. Signal Strength. Rewired. Boost. Wireless. Unlimited. Anything but freaking iBoy.
Jen: Meh, doesn’t look terrible, but doesn’t grab me enough to eat up 90 minutes of my life. And Rick is so right about the title.
Z: The Beginning of Everything (Amazon)
Loren: I like this era and it looks interesting enough. I have a lot of TV to catch up on so it’ll get on my list (it’s in my head RDT) if the reviews say it’s worth a damn.
RDT: I’m just glad this isn’t another zombie show.
Rick: Christina Ricci is good casting for this, but I’m not super interested in the story. At least not at first blush. If the reviews are decent I may dive in down the line.
Jen: This could be good or terrible. Either way, I’m watching the heck out of it.
Beware the Slenderman (HBO/HBO Now)
Loren: The Lady™ and I watched the Dateline about this case a couple years back. The idea of a modern day boogey man is pretty fascinating but I think I know all I need to about this story.
RDT: Not even watching the trailer. I’m out.
Rick: Man, I really have to sign up for HBO Now.
Jen: This is creepier than any horror movie. I’m very curious and might have to give this a whirl.
So that’s your upcoming weekend in review. Let us know what you saw, liked and/or hated.
–Loren, RDT, Rick, and Jen