Woof. Surprise you guys! I wasn’t a big fan of this trailer. I’ve gone on record countless times at this point saying how much I don’t like Zack Snyder’s Murderverse version of the DCEU. I will try not to delve too deeply into that here (emphasis on try). Justice League seems to suffer from all of the previous problems the Snyder movies have in the past. It’s not all bad though, it does look like Warner’s execs have finally swallowed their pride and tried to add some levity to their scowly universe. In fact the three new heroes we meet here all have some comedic bits in this trailer which fits none of their comic counterparts. Cool. A complete misunderstanding of the characters, that’s what can be universally said about Zack Snyder and the DCEU.

This version of the Justice League picks up where The Legal Proceeding of Batman V. Superman left off. Bruce Wayne (not Batman for some dumbass reason) is going to find other heroes in the world to help him take on new threats after the death of Superman. Along with Wonder Woman, he uses the quicktime email attachments he stole from Lex Luthor and finds The Flash, The Aquaman, and (The) Cyborg. Bringing all 5 heroes together to take on Steppenwolf (not the band) and a huge army of Parademons. Seriously, this is all Bruce Wayne doing this, not Batman. Just revealing who he is to all of these people. Good thing they are heroes, otherwise this could be trouble down the line. Alright let’s not put this off any further, *sigh* Let’s Talk About The New Justice League Trailer: 

• We open on a wintery mountain as a man mounts a horse. What is this, the start of some sort of western?
• Nope, the man’s face is covered but he’s wearing modern goggles. Also, this is very clearly Bruce Wayne even if they don’t want you to know that.
• Next up are the WB and DC logos.
• As the man and his horse makes their way back down the mountain, Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck) voices over that they need to gather their forces for the coming attack. Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) says that the attack isn’t coming, it’s already here. 
• Bruce takes off his facemask and goggles and the crowd goes, “yeah, we knew that was him, this is not a surprise.”
• Dr. Silas Stone (Joe Morton) enters his apartment and sees one of the Mother Boxes he’s been working with glowing and sparking. A Parademon sneaks up behind him. That must be a really stealthy 7ft interdimensional winged monster.
  
• Diana asks Bruce where the others are, Bruce smirks back at her. It’s…. off putting.
• Cut to Arthur Curry/THE Aquaman (Jason Momoa) standing on a rock in the surf with a washed ashore Bruce on it. The White Stripes plays in the background. He brings Bruce back to a bar instead of a hospital and dumps him on a table. He then grabs a bottle of Whiskey and announces that the tab is on Bruce. Ah, the King of Atlantis. 
• As the White Stripes continue to blare, we see some shots of Victor Stone/Cyborg (Ray Fisher) doing what he does, like firing his sonic cannon. All while Diana exposits what he is and can do. 
• Then we get bits from the previously released scene where Bruce (again, not Batman) confronts Barry Allen/The Flash (Ezra Miller) in his home.
• Looks like they kept the part where Barry tries to deny he’s The Flash so Bruce (not Batman, have I made that clear yet?) throws a Batarang right at Barry’s face. Luckily Barry is a speedster so he gets out of the way and plucks the Batarang from the air. Seriously, if Barry wasn’t a speedster he’d be very dead. Barry easily puts two and two together and figures out that Bruce is Batman. I’m sorry, THE Batman. 
• We move from The White Stripes to a very on the nose cover of “Come Together”.
• The Batman swings in and throws an explosive at one of the Parademons. I guess it’s pretty cool looking.
• Diana tells Bruce that they say the age of heroes would never come again as we get beauty shots of our heroes. Bruce says it has to. 
• The Aquaman jumps up and skewers two Parademons with his trident. I notice that almost everything looks green screened and de-saturated. Like, oh I don’t know, every Zack Snyder movie?
• That last The Aquaman shot starts off the montage portion of the trailer. We get Wonder Woman sweeping the leg, Cyborg going 100% Iron Man, and The Flash speeding around and fighting a Parademon.
• Barry asks Bruce what his superpowers are again. As the doors to his Lamborghini close, Bruce replies with, “I’m rich”. Get it? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
• Next, The Batman jumps into a tank like vehicle that could easily be “The Scuttler” from the far superior Lego Batman Movie, and uses it to climb up a giant missile silo(?) and shoot down some Parademons with probably too much force.
  
• A quick shot of Victor Stone playing football is cut in here and it feels SUPER out of place. I know that’s his origin but like why throw it in the back half action montage?
• The Flash speeds through what might be the DCEU representation of the Speed Force.
• Lois Lane (Amy Adams) and Mera (Amber Heard) make appearances. As well as Henry Allen (Billy Crudup) who much like his TV counterpart appears to be in jail. 
• An incredibly quick shot of the Amazonian Warriors taking on legions of Parademons is interrupted by a goggles wearing The Batman shooting guns in his Batmobile. If that isn’t a metaphor for this series of movies I don’t know what is. 
• We get even more montage-y and it gets hard to follow. Wonder Woman clotheslines two Parademons, The Flash runs fast some more, Cyborg grimaces, The Aquaman dodges some sort of underwater throwing Axe. I don’t know.
• Wonder Woman drops down in front of The Aquaman and Cyborg and cooly says, “Shall we?” With a dry, cool, wit like that, she could be an action hero.
  
• Title card. Still in that font I don’t love. It really doesn’t feel very “Justice League” to me.
• Commissioner Gordon (J.K. Simmons) tells The Batman it’s good to see him playing with others again. Then the historically comedic (read: not at all) Aquaman hits us with one of his classic one liners about Bruce being dressed as a giant Bat. Uproarious laughter ensues. Bruce tells Gordon that the working with others may be temporary after the sheer comedy from The Aquaman.
• But it looks as though the two heroes work it out because The Aquaman is riding atop the Batmobile where he jumps on three oncoming Parademons.
  
• This mercifully ends the trailer.

Yikes. Like I said before, not good. I’ll be seeing this movie but only because I have to, and certainly not for $30 in 4D-DBox-IMAX. Thanks a lot WB/DC for making me not want to see movies about characters that I should absolutely want to see movies about. Please let this end the Murderverse.

Justice League opens everywhere November 17th.

From Hollywood,
-Loren