If you’re a regular listener, you may know there are plans afoot to reboot the GI Joe franchise. Before Hasbro and Hollywood fuck it up though, I thought I’d take a crack at it first.
My GI Joe movie gets to the core of the (1980’s) premise. No pseudo-Iron Man suits. No Marlon Wayans. And, perhaps regretfully, no Rock. Inspired by the original 1983 mini-series, this would be a wall-to-wall action flick.
Representing the best of each military branch, GI Joe is an elite squad tasked with the most difficult of missions. Cobra works from the shadows. The less known they are, the more effective they can be.
The plot is simple. Cobra is an underground terrorist group financed by Tomax & Xamot’s Extensive Enterprises. They’ve stolen an advanced military weapons satellite. The US government, fearing public outcry, tasks General Hawk with recruiting a small team to go in and recover it, hopefully taking down Cobra along the way.
Let’s talk casting.
Gung-Ho – Michael Rooker
RoadBlock – Mike Colter
Lady Jaye -Zoey Saldana
Scarlett – Jessica Chastain
Snake Eyes – Stunt guy (no flashbacks, never seen with his mask off, no talking)
Duke – Chris Pine
General Hawk – Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Tomax/Xamot – Armie Hammer
Zartan – Joel Edgerton
Zarana – Isla Fisher
Baroness – Haley Atwell
Destro – Idris Elba
Storm Shadow – Jay Chou
Dr. Mindbender – Ben Kingsley
Cobra Commander – Ben Mendelsohn
Director: Fuck it, James Gunn. I think he’d really nail the tone, have some fun with it.
So there you go, Joe!
From Culver City,