Go Joe! Rebooting the GI-Joe Franchise.

If you’re a regular listener, you may know there are plans afoot to reboot the GI Joe franchise. Before Hasbro and Hollywood fuck it up though, I thought I’d take a crack at it first.

My GI Joe movie gets to the core of the (1980’s) premise. No pseudo-Iron Man suits. No Marlon Wayans. And, perhaps regretfully, no Rock. Inspired by the original 1983 mini-series, this would be a wall-to-wall action flick.

Representing the best of each military branch, GI Joe is an elite squad tasked with the most difficult of missions. Cobra works from the shadows. The less known they are, the more effective they can be.

The plot is simple. Cobra is an underground terrorist group financed by Tomax & Xamot’s Extensive Enterprises. They’ve stolen an advanced military weapons satellite. The US government, fearing public outcry, tasks General Hawk with recruiting a small team to go in and recover it, hopefully taking down Cobra along the way.

Let’s talk casting.

The Joes:






Gung-Ho – Michael Rooker







RoadBlock – Mike Colter






Lady Jaye -Zoey Saldana






Scarlett – Jessica Chastain







Snake Eyes – Stunt guy (no flashbacks, never seen with his mask off, no talking)







Duke – Chris Pine






General Hawk – Jeffrey Dean Morgan






Tomax/Xamot – Armie Hammer







Zartan – Joel Edgerton






Zarana – Isla Fisher







Baroness – Haley Atwell







Destro – Idris Elba





Storm Shadow – Jay Chou







Dr. Mindbender – Ben Kingsley






Cobra Commander – Ben Mendelsohn

Director: Fuck it, James Gunn. I think he’d really nail the tone, have some fun with it.

So there you go, Joe!


From Culver City,


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