Weekend Watch – 05/03/19


Welcome to the Weekend Watch. Where we try to point you towards the best ways to spend your viewing time (or, at least, steer you clear of the garbage).

Movies

Wide Release

Ugly Dolls

Loren: I liked the dolls when they were kind of an alternative to your standard kids toy but I don’t need to see this as a movie.

RDT: I’m never going to see this movie. Even if I have kids, it’s still not gonna happen. With Disney+ coming, those (currently fictional) kids will never have to watch shitty animated movies again! Hazzah!!!

Jen: The couldn’t even get Justin Timberlake for this? They had to settle for Nick Jonas? Pass.

AJ: Oh come on! They’re adorable! KELLY CLARKSON! Pop music! I’m totally in. You get-off-my-lawn people can suck it.

Josh: Alright, I’m back! And just in time for…ooh boy. Ok, this movie isn’t for me, but I suspect it will be a fun movie that kids will enjoy.


Long Shot

Loren: I like a lot about this movie but I’m not sold on it being any good. I’ll give it a watch down the road.

RDT: This looks cute enough. It’s unlikely I’ll see it in the theater, but I can see myself giving it a watch when it hits streaming.

Jen: I’ve heard surprisingly good things about this and I do love me some June Diane Rapheal, I’ll give this a go on streaming for sure.

AJ: I am so sold on this. As long as he’s not doing that intolerable laugh, I find Seth Rogen comedy enjoyable. This is the movie politics deserves.

Josh: I don’t know why, but Seth Rogen really annoys me. I’m probably in the minority here, but I usually don’t find him or his films funny. That being said, this trailer shows potential and if someone I trust tells me to check it out, I would.


Limited Release

Shadow

Loren: I love the way these Chinese Fantasy Epics look but I never get around to watching them. Some day.

RDT: If this is worth my time, Rick will screen it. Only then will I watch.

Jen: RDT hit the nail on the head here, and, as of me writing this, I have not yet heard Rick’s take, but something tells me we may be seeing this down the road.

AJ: So……. just no. Sorry. I feel like I’m supposed to be into this but I am not.

Josh: These movies, even when I’m not as into the story, are always gorgeous to watch. I’m really digging the muted colors and I think I would very much enjoy this. That being said, unless someone tells me I need to see it in the theater, I’ll probably wait for home release.


The Convent

Loren: That trailer was as dark as last week’s Game of Thrones, amirite!?!?!

RDT: When was it decided that nuns and convents could only be creepy? Where’s my Nuns on the Run reboot starring…..Simon Pegg and Nick Frost????

Jen: RDT, I just Venmo’d you $18 for my ticket to the Nuns on the Run reboot. See you there.

AJ: I am also Venmo’ing RDT for this Simon Pegg/Nick Frost thing. That sounds better than The Convent looks.

Josh: Loren is right.


Tell It to the Bees

Loren: This looks like a nature documentary with an odd 50s secret lesbian plot thrown in for no reason. At least Anna Paquin’s accent seemed pretty decent.

RDT: My dad was allergic to bees. Like, epi-pen in the house allergic, I think. I’ve never been stung and I’ve never been tested. It’s my version of “living on the edge, man.”

Oh, I don’t care about this movie.

Jen: Good for you Anna Paquin, this movie looks fine. Getting a heavy Carol vibe here, I’m not running out to see it but I don’t begrudge its existence.

AJ: Is it also available on demand? I would stream this on a Sunday afternoon. Once I’d rewatched all of the Marvel movies in my queue.

Josh: I’m rooting for the bees to sting that little shithead. Other than that, this is not the type of movie I’d run out to see. If it’s good, I’m sure I’ll get an award screener.


I’ll Take Your Dead

Loren: Yeah I’m not so into the kid acting here. It’s like that Vanessa Bayer Weekend Update character that’s a child actor. A little much.

RDT: I was into the trailer and then the “Hollywood precocious” kid showed up. I was about to bail, but then I kept watching. I’m intrigued. I’ll keep it on the radar.

Jen: There seem to be a lot of themes happening here and I’m interested to see how this plays out.

AJ: That creepy music in the trailer was effective. As such, I will probably not see this. Because I am a pansy.

Josh: I’m not usually a fan of movies whose only goal it is to scare you, but this seems to have more depth. I dig the concept. I’ll be paying attention to reviews after it comes out.


Dead Trigger

Loren: I want to be into this but, c’mon it’s just another played out Zombie movie. Pass.

RDT: You had me at Dolph Lundgren. But then you lost me at it being yet another zombie movie.

Jen: Zombies, why’d it have to be Zombies? Also, Dolph Lundgren’s still got it. And now I don’t have to carry the same guilt for finding him hot as I did when

AJ: Still with the zombie movies? Sigh. NEXT!

Josh: Holy cow this looks bad. Like even the trailer can’t give you more plot than just “people shooting zombies.” But always remember, Dolph Lundgren is basically a rocket scientist. Look it up.


Clara

Loren: I always think it’s a little weird when couples are cast opposite of each other. This has an interesting premise but probably doesn’t live up to it.

RDT: I can’t tell. Is it more pretentious indie or pretentious sci-fi? Good for the Suits guy (not that one, the other one) getting a post-Suits gig though.

Jen: This feels a like a lot of eye-rolling mumbo-jumbo to me. The other planet was inside them all the time. OR is she an alien maybe? She’s the intelligent life he was looking for. Whatever, I don’t care about this movie at all.

AJ: So this got pretty panned out of TIFF and I can’t get past some of the things I read. But there is this actor in it, Ennis Esmer, I really enjoy and hope the movie is as good as he usually is.

Josh: I don’t know, you guys. This trailer is tripping over itself to the point of convolution and I just can’t bring myself to be excited about it. If there is an alien element to this, I’m in. If it’s more of a philosophical inward take, I’m probably out.


El Chicano

Loren: It’s like Sicario meets Peppermint meets yeah AJ, Zorro. Could be good but I sadly kinda doubt it.

RDT: That’s cool. An old-school masked vigilante flick. I’m down.

Jen: Latino Batman? Sure. I’m not going to see this but y’all have fun.

AJ: Is this like modern Zorro? I mean, I’d love to see a Latino superhero film but not this one.

Josh: I’m all for this movie existing. I need less white dude movies in my life. But I get the sense that this is a b-movie quality flick that is better caught streaming than in theaters. I hope I’m wrong.


Bolden

Loren: I think I’d rather just listen to his music than watch the movie but that tends to happen with BIOpics and me.

RDT: Hey! Have you seen a biopic before???

Jen: Do you guys say BIOpic or biOPIC? I never thought about it till recently – I feel like I’ve heard the latter three or four times in the last week, which is weird, right? I’ve never heard of Bolden before this, but the trailer encouraged me to look him up and that’s cool.

AJ: I dug this trailer! I’d see it. Buddy Bolden was ahead of his time — one of the founding fathers of New Orleans jazz. Look him up. (Jen, I say BIOpic.)

Josh: I also say BIOpic. And I agree with AJ. I dig this trailer. First movie so far that I want to see.


TV/Streaming

NETFLIX

Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward

Loren: Already watched it. If you like Jeselnik’s humor you are going to enjoy this. If you don’t, man are you going to hate it.

RDT: Oh yeah. I’m not even watching the trailer. Putting this right into my queue now.

Jen: I know nothing about Jeselnik, but he sucked me in during that trailer so I’ll give a watch at least.

AJ: I. Cannot. Stand. Anthony. Jeselnik.

Josh: I have no idea who this is. I don’t know if I should be ashamed of myself or not.


Knock Down the House

Loren: Yep.

RDT: This one is in the queue already.

Jen: Shut up and continue to take my $10.99 a month.

AJ: Jen, didn’t it just go up to $12.99? (P.S. Seeing this. 100%. She is going to change the world. I’m convinced.)

Josh: Yup. All the yup. This is important. Also it did go up to $12.99 a month, but that’s with some extra features.


Dead to Me Season 1

Loren: I like both of them a lot but I don’t know if I’ll be able to squeeze this one in.

RDT: That took a bit of a turn, but I love this cast too much not to at least give it an episode or two.

Jen: I loved everything about this trailer. Dammit Netflix!

AJ: This is right in the sweet spot of my taste level. In x 1000.

Josh: I love this trailer, I love this premise, I love these actors. I will watch this…one day. I have a lot in my queue.


Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil, and Vile

Loren: I’m sure he does a great job but I don’t care about yet another telling of Bundy’s story.

RDT: I’m not sure this one is for me. Good for Zac though going outside his box.

Jen: When did Zac Efron become an actor? I was sucked right in by his Ted Bundy and I am checking this one out ASAP.

AJ: I’m going to watch this purely to see if Efron really pulls this off. I know he’s still trying not to be the High School Musical guy and you gotta respect it…. Right?

Josh: The trailer makes this look like it’s skirting the line between being intriguing and glamorizing Ted Bundy. I won’t see it until I know which it is.


Flinch

Loren: Holy shit, we are actually living in Idiocracy now.

RDT: So, Netflix just buys anything now, huh?

Jen: Congratulations Netflix, I think you’ve finally hit rock bottom.

AJ: Netflix, go home, you’re drunk.

Josh: I’m so angry this exists on Netflix. They’re better than this even though a large swath of their audience isn’t.


The Last Summer

Loren: It’s really weird to see Riverdale characters not on Riverdale. Otherwise I have no feelings about this movie.

RDT: Hey! Have you ever seen a teen movie before?

Jen: There is nothing about this movie that is drawing me in at all. I was thinking how this looks like every other teen movie I’ve ever seen and I guess they just have to make new ones for each new generation of teenages, but come on I would take one original idea, just one!

AJ: Dude, if I had to decide who I wanted to be at 18, I’d be a poor, starving understudy in New York City, serving coffee to Yuppies to make rent. The premise of this movie annoys me. GET OFF MY LAWN.

Josh: This looks perfectly fine, but I think I’m too old and jaded to enjoy it.


Tuca & Bertie

Loren: I don’t really like either of those stars and I feel like I should at least try and watch Bojack before getting anywhere near this.

RDT: I don’t watch the horse one. So I sure as hell ain’t watchin’ the bird one.

Jen: What. The. Actual. Flock?

AJ: What the hell did I just watch? STOPPIT.

Josh: I could never get into Bojack Horseman, so I’m guessing I won’t enjoy this much either. Also, Jen? Boom.


HULU

Into The Dark: All That We Destroy

Loren: Some old friends of mine wrote this one. I might have to actually check one of these out.

RDT: This is Hulu’s Black Mirror, right? Eh, I’ll just wait for regular Black Mirror to come back.

Jen: Hey, that’s Michael from Lost’s daughter. She’s the true female WAAAALLLLTTT!! Too bad she keeps dying.

AJ: I don’t feel like I need a movie about a man brutalizing a woman over and over right now. Which is all I got from this trailer.

Josh: Some old friends of Loren’s wrote this. It looks intriguing. I’ll wait to see what Loren says.


STARZ

The Spanish Princess

Loren: I’m never going to watch this, both because I don’t have Starz and also because I don’t care.

RDT: I don’t pay for Starz and this isn’t going to change that.

Jen: Starz is leaning heavily into the historical romantic epic thing and I am a fan of Outlander, but I don’t need another costume heavy period piece. My dance card is full.

AJ: I generally veer away from period pieces. It just never grabs me. “Outlander” is my exception so Starz gets me for that. The end.

Josh: I keep forgetting Starz still exists. And much like that, I will have forgotten about this trailer by the time I go to sleep. Sorry, it looks fine, but I feel like we’ve seen this movie a million times before.


So that’s your upcoming weekend in review. Let us know what you saw, liked and/or hated.

As always, you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com/hollywoodpicturenews, Instagram at instagram.com/hollywoodpicturenews, or @HWPicNews on Twitter. And send in your questions/comments to questions@hollywoodpicturenews.com.

From Hollywood,
–Loren, RDT, Jen, AJ, and Josh

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