Welcome to the Weekend Watch. Where we try to point you towards the best ways to spend your viewing time (or, at least, steer you clear of the garbage).
Loren: I bet they thought they were really clever when they wrote this. They were wrong.
Rick: What if the first five seconds of a trailer could tell me everything I need to know about this cheapjack “horror” movie?
AJ: You can’t see me – just know I am shaking my head.
Black and Blue
Loren: So someone asked for 16 Blocks with the addition of modern day racial tension? And then they thought they should put Tyrese in said movie? Bold choice.
Rick: Have you ever seen a corrupt cop/rookie who saw too much movie? If you haven’t, you should absolutely go watch Training Day way, way, way, way before you bother with this tropey junk.
AJ: I’d write this off were it not for Naomi Harris. Contrary to my counterparts here, I’m sold.
The Current War
Loren: I kinda find the melodrama of this hilarious but in the best way. I’ll give this a go at some point down the line for the cast if nothing else.
Rick: Yes, please. I’ve been looking forward to this. Gimme all the scientist in-fighting. It should be noted that this isn’t the critically lambasted version that debuted at the Toronto Film Festival a few years ago and got buried during the Weinstein scandal. It’s the director’s cut and, by all accounts, is actually worth seeing.
AJ: That’s quite a cast and I’ve never seen Michael Shannon give a bad performance. And what Rick said.
Loren: Never been the biggest Springsteen fan so this might be a bit lost on me.
Rick: I appreciate Springsteen’s contribution to music, but I’m not anywhere big enough a fan to take two hours to watch this extended promo for his new album–I mean, concert film. Yeah. That’s the ticket…
AJ: Sincere question. Do people still go to Springsteen shows to hear new music? If so, they should go see this movie. But I’m more likely to watch his old videos on YouTube.
The Night Marchers
Loren: Hahahahaha, that looks AWFUL! Like some kids went out to make a Blair Witch movie with their iPhone 6s. Yikes.
Rick: Have you seen a found footage-style horror movie? Then you’ve seen something markedly better than this laughable, craptastic-looking thing.
AJ: There’s this scene in a “Golden Girls” episode where Dorothy asks Rose to hand her a newspaper. And then Dorothy rolls up the newspaper and bops Rose on the head with it. Let’s just say I am Dorothy and this trailer is Rose. (I know my metaphor is a reach but go with it.)
The Kill Team
Loren: A24 rarely misses so I have to assume this is at least made well. Is a subject I want to follow? Probably not, but I wouldn’t fight anyone for wanting to.
Rick: I realize this is based on a true story/documentary, but this is really just a modern Casualties of War (1989). If I ever find I’m interested in this story, I think I’d rather sit through the doc than this dramatization.
AJ: Is it terrible that I just couldn’t follow that trailer? That’s not for me.
The Great Alaskan Race
Loren: The book “The Stone Fox” about dog sledding really screwed me up as a kid. I’d probably be all agitated that the dogs were going to die while children are literally dying of diptheria in the actual story. Cool.
Rick: Couldn’t I (shouldn’t I) just go watch Balto instead?
AJ: Oof. That trailer is…. Well, I always wanna give puppies a chance. But the 0% on Rotten Tomatoes I just glanced is now burned into my brain….
The Gallows Act II
Loren: Having never seen The Gallows Act I will I be completely lost during this very contrived and trite horror sequel? I guess we’ll never know.
Rick: I had to dig deep in my brain to recall that there was an original Gallows movie. If memory serves it made okay money but no one liked it. So, as is the Hollywood way these days, we have a sequel no one was asking for. *fart noise*
AJ: The Gallows made money but the critics haaaated it. But I guess money is enough reason to forge ahead with a sequel in this business. However me thinks the critics will hate this one, too.
The Cat and the Moon
Loren: I don’t know that I need a “rage issues” version of Kids in my life.
Rick: This looks like a predictable modern coming-of-age tale, but every review I’ve run across claims it’s smarter than that. I’ll keep it on my radar.
AJ: I was curious about Alex Wolff so I looked him up and fun fact — his dad was the band leader on The Arsenio Hall Show. Weird, right? Anyway, I may or may not see this. I think Mike Epps in that role might be interesting and I think Stefania Lavie Owen is a great actress.
Loren: I can’t shake that I’ve seen this movie before. Well not THIS movie but one almost exactly the same and I can’t figure out what it is. I’m not going to bother to waste anymore time trying to figure it out though.
Rick: 90% of the pull quotes in that trailer are from a single source (Indiewire). Feels like desperation to sell someone, anyone, that this movie is worth seeing. I’m not convinced.
AJ: I realize we sit on a particular pedestal, judging movies severely by their trailers, but that just all looked obnoxious to me. (And I guess that’s what a trailer is supposed to make you do anyway so I am not apologizing.)
Loren: That looks like a decent enough concept and is at least shot well. Maybe I’ll check it out at some point.
Rick: It looks creepy enough and has some decent genre talent behind it. I’ll keep an eye out.
AJ: First of all, I watched a really funny Geico commercial before that trailer started and I’m really bummed that was not the movie but anyway…. That is one portal I will not be stepping through.
Loren: That looks like Shutter Island meets The Island meets Narnia meets… I don’t know The Secret Garden? Sure. Unless I hear some great stuff I’ll forget this even existed.
Rick: This is almost beat for beat the plot of an episode of the Disney animated series Star vs. The Forces of Evil. When you’re ripping ideas from a kids’ series (a well crafted one, but still) and any number of star-crossed lover stories, I’m going to balk at the “visionary” moniker thrown in front of the director’s name. Especially when this is their first feature and only second time directing.
AJ: The Hunger Games meets Stepford Wives, eh? I didn’t hate the trailer but I’m not rushing to see it. And ditto what Rick said — you can’t add hyperbole like that onto a first-timer’s trailer. Come on. I had to google her.
No More Safe Spaces
Loren: Man Adam Carolla really became kind of a piece of shit in his old age huh? (See I can say that because he loves “free speech” so much). Look if you’re on the side of hate speech in any capacity, you’re in the wrong.
Rick: Ooof. No. No, I’m good, thanks.
AJ: Well I’ll say this. It takes some serious balls to make that movie right now. Good luck with that one, privileged white guys.
Moments in Spacetime
Rick: I was kind of into this until they shoehorned in a love story. It feels like padding in what should already be a pretty emotionally packed story. Call it a maybe.
AJ: PLOT TWIST! But no. It had my attention til the smooth dude with a foreign accent strolled in.
Jenny Slate: Stage Fright
Loren: I like Jenny Slate in most things so I’ll give this a shot sooner rather than later.
Rick: I enjoy Jenny Slate, but like all comedy specials I watch, this will be background for laundry folding or while I’m doing something mindless at work. Also, is the latest trend in comedy specials integrating home movies/documentary-type material? I feel like I’ve seen this more than a handful of times lately.
AJ: i watched this and so should you. She is a delight, ladies and gentlemen. A DELIGHT.
Breakfast, Lunch, & Dinner
Loren: People seem to really like David Chang so that’s something. It’s a good group of people for what I can only imagine is the first batch of these. Maybe if I’m looking for a travel show at some point this will fill the void.
Rick: I guess someone had to pick up the slack after Anthony Bourdain passed away? This will find an audience, but I will not be in it.
AJ: i tried to get into Chang’s podcast and am sorry to say I just found him a boring interviewer. So I’m not even sure I’ll give this my usual “someday I’ll get to it” claim.
Loren: Yeah, Rick is right this is basically just a series version of Riot Girls but with a bigger budget. I might check it out if I hear it’s fun but there’s still a ton of TV I have to get through before adding something new.
Rick: Oh, so it’s Riot Girls, which literally came out last month, mixed with an idea stolen from Simon Clark’s novel, “Blood Crazy”. Hard pass.
AJ: Wait. WHAT?! I know the guys both said this but yeah – I already saw Riot Girls (and loved it) so I don’t need this terrible-looking bro-y knock-off. Hard pass seconded.
Dolemite is my Name
Loren: I’ve heard that this is stellar and that they are putting it in a couple theaters to try and get Eddie up for an Oscar. Might have to make some room for this one.
Rick: I wish I had time to screen the original Dolemite before this came out. It’s a treasure trove of unintentional hilarity. I’m super behind both this biopic and an Eddie Murphy-assance.
AJ: I wish they weren’t selling this as an Eddie Murphy “comeback” piece. Every time he’s amazing in a movie like this, or Dreamgirls, it’s a “comeback” as if it magically makes us forget about Norbit. But anyway, that strategy fail aside, I’m going to give this a watch because I do enjoy Murphy when he’s amazing.
Loren: Isn’t this the show that got a lot of heat a few months ago because it was convincing people in a depression that they had gotten a job? Yikes. I like Galen Matarazzo but not enough to sit through this.
Rick: I’ve never enjoyed prank shows. This isn’t going to convert me.
AJ: I like my pranks served up by Johnny Knoxville or Ashton Kutcher. This looks horrible.
Loren: This doesn’t feel… I don’t know… scary enough? Or thrilling enough? Yeah, I kinda got nothing.
Rick: *shrug* I think this would be fine as a short Twilight Zone episode, but there’s no way I’m devoting 90 minutes to this story.
AJ: More proof I’m a pansy – that was hella creepy for me, Loren. So you shutup.
Bojack Horseman Season 6
Loren: I hear all the time that I should be watching this but I haven’t started yet. Someday.
This is the first half of the final season, and I’m a little bummed that it’s ending. It hasn’t been a perfect run, but it has some of the most genuinely hilarious and, at times, heart wrenching writing on television, or anywhere for that matter (I defy anyone to watch last season’s episode “Free Churro” and not be a sobbing mess by the end). The internet is wild with theories about how the show will end, but I’m more than content to ignore the noise and just take the ride.
AJ: I should get into this show at some point, right? I know, like, 900 people who love it.
The Kominsky Method Season 2
Loren: I didn’t care about Season 1, I don’t care about Season 2.
Rick: I love Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin, but everything about this show feels tired. I’m all set.
AJ: Aw, come on, guys. This show is great. I’m almost done with Season 1 and will move onto Season 2, no question.
Castle Rock Season 2
Loren: I meant to watch this and then I forgot. If that’s not a ringing endorsement, I don’t know what is.
Rick: This just feels like fan fiction to me. I wasn’t interested in the first season. Nothing about season two grabs me in the slightest.
AJ: No can do. Never saw Season 1; don’t plan to do so.
Loren: I like Kathryn Hahn a lot but I’m not sure I’ll add this to the ever growing list.
Rick: I have no feelings one way or the other about this show. It looks just fine, but I’m never going to watch it.
AJ: I think Kathryn Hahn is awesome and I am happy for her. If I hear some good buzz on this, I’ll catch up.
Silicon Valley Season 6
Loren: We’re woefully behind on this show but it’s still on our catch up list.
Rick: Never seen it. Mostly due to lack of HBO, but also my overall annoyance with TJ Miller. I know he’s gone, but I’m never going to go back and catch up.
AJ: Is this show still on? Wow. Well, good for them. I never got into it.
So that’s your upcoming weekend in review. Let us know what you saw, liked and/or hated.
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–Loren, Rick, and AJ