Welcome to the Weekend Watch. Where we try to point you towards the best ways to spend your viewing time (or, at least, steer you clear of the garbage).
Playmobil The Movie
Loren: Seeing as how I’m the “LEGO guy” of the group I have taken a hard stance on all other children’s toy properties. Also seeing as how meh all the other LEGO movies have been (besides the original) I don’t know why they thought this would be a good idea.
Rick: I suppose this was an inevitability, but with the tepid reception of the last Lego movie I can’t imagine this is going to sell a lot of tickets. Also, Frozen II is still making money hand over fist and booked on nearly all the screens in every multiplex. STX should have just released this next February. Then it might have had a chance.
Jen: This looks… fine. Nothing in here makes me want to rush out and see it, it really feels like a LEGO movie knock off, which it is, I guess.
AJ: …. Really?! And how is this movie coming out wide this week and this is the first time I’m hearing anything about it? Good luck with that, I guess.
Loren: Everyone below really nails it here. I also cringed at the VO, and assumed that she was in love with her brother. The Philippines are weird man.
Rick: I’m sorry, but they completely lost me with the hilariously over the top voice over (that’s in English instead of Tagalog, for some reason). I just can’t take any of this seriously.
Jen: There’s a lot going on here, is one of the friends marrying the brother of the other but also there’s an affair? But not with the brother, right? There’s not some sort of weird incest thing happening… or is there? Is that the unforgivable sin? Yikes. I might just have to write my own fan-fic version of this trailer.
AJ: Dear lord, there are some really bad wigs in that movie. Didn’t know they had telenovelas in the Philippines.
Loren: Woof. Shit like this is usually right up my alley but it really needs to be a step or two better. This just looks predictable and lazy. Also it looks like they try for a horror bent at one point because our heroine looks way worse for wear in one of those scenes. A failure on multiple levels!
Rick: Man, someone needs to help Bruce Willis kick his boat-buying habit.
Jen: I think I got Action Movie BINGO; dirty cops, dead partner, free space, hot witness who needs protection. I win, right?
AJ: Nic Cage was like “watch me make all the bad movies,” and Bruce Willis was all “HOLD MY BEER.”
The Wolf Hour
Loren: Maybe? I don’t know, I feel like there’s something interesting in there I just can’t quite figure out what it is.
Rick: Kind of a riff on Polanski’s The Tenant. I love Naomi Watts, but this looks super meh.
Jen: I see what they’re trying to do here, but it’s just not gelling for me. I’ll pass on this one.
AJ: Ain’t nothing “Hitchcockian” about that one, guys. I’m gonna have to pass. Reminded me just a smidge of that 1995 Holly Hunter movie where Sigourney Weaver plays an agoraphobic professor, though. Copycat. I may give that another watch.
The Kindness of Strangers
Loren: Well that certainly misses the mark it was intending.
Rick: This is a movie full of good actors. Why does it look so pedestrian and terrible?
Jen: I’d rather watch this:
AJ: This looks like it deserves that 6% on Rotten Tomatoes. Someone was trying too hard to be “deep” here (And didn’t even recognize Jay Baruchel).
Loren: I don’t see myself rushing out to see this in the theater but as you can see below that’s the only way to see this. I guess I’ll just forget that it exists on Amazon in a couple weeks.
Rick: I’m going to be a format nerd for a second. This movie was partially filmed in IMAX 70mm, and is intended to be shown in that format/aspect ratio. Sounds pretty rad, right? So where is the IMAX release? Oh, well because Amazon is pulling a Netflix and refusing to honor the theatrical window, IMAX told them to go scratch. You can see it in 70mm if you’re lucky enough to live in a city with theaters that can screen it, but otherwise it’s going to be released in a compromised version basically direct to Amazon. Why bother with the expense to shoot in IMAX (apart from the resolution bump) if you’re not going to bother releasing it that way? It hurts my head. All that said, I’m going to make an effort to see this in 70mm. If I don’t make it, I’m not even going to bother with it on Amazon.
Jen: I read an article or listened to a podcast, it’s weird that I can’t remember which, about how different this one is from the true story. I might just do some Wikipedia reading to get the real story (or listen to a podcast, you know one of those).
AJ: I could go either way on this. I worry it is going to be gorgeous on a big screen and lack substance otherwise. (And to Rick’s point — why are Amazon and Netflix rushing all this stuff out this way and ruining “cinema?”) So the other way is, I end up watching it on TV and feel as underwhelmed by it as I did by The Irishsman. We need to figure this shit out, Hollywood. To Scorsese’s point – sort of – cinema is trickling down into the gutter. (But it’s not Marvel’s fault. So he can still suck it.)
Portrait of a Lady on Fire
Loren: Not really my standard fare but it looks like a beautiful love story. Neon is really trying to put in the work.
Rick: I saw this trailer a couple months ago in front of The Lighthouse. Definitely into this.
Jen: I’ve watched this trailer through a couple of times and I am sold.
AJ: That looks gorgeous. Enough so that I will suffer my loathing of subtitles to watch it.
Loren: That dog is adorable but I don’t do well with this kind of movie. Like I’m not going to just be ok with the guy throwing Little Q out of his house before they bond. He’s now branded an asshole in my brain forever.
Rick: I mean, that’s cool that the blind guy bonds with his seeing-eye dog, but did they just straight up take the dog from that little girl so he could have it? That’s not okay.
Jen: I don’t do dog movies. They know why.
AJ: Shutup, I’m not crying, you’re crying. (Seriously, I was crying in, like, the first moment of that trailer and there is no way I am seeing this movie. My heart can’t take it.)
Loren: Wild. I’m in for this weird ass ride, why not.
Rick: Well, that looks creepy as hell. *hands over my monies* Siden note: doesn’t lavender’s scent already make people happy and relaxed? Why do we need GMO low key murder plants?
Jen: This looks like a strong addition to the plant-based horror sub-genre of… um, Little Shop of Horrors – yeah, that’s a good one, and, um… The Happening? Ya know, I think this one stands on it’s own two feet or, stem, so to speak.
AJ: First of all, can we talk about that creepy AF soundtrack? Were those dogs barking?! That was effective. Really great trailer. If I were into that genre, I’d be forking over the cash to see this. As it is, I think I’m too big a scaredy cat.
Loren: I very much look forward to this making it onto a Horrorfest bill in the near future.
Rick: Oh. My. God. This looks like it escaped from 1970s Italy at the height of their ridiculous horror movie boom and I. Am. Into. It.
Jen: I need to own that dress. Even if it is a killer dress, the cut and color are really spot on my style. I love how weird-o this movie is and I am here for it.
AJ: I was so into “Without a Trace” back in the day and nearly forgot Marianne Jean-Baptiste is a Brit. But wow, that looks sort of deliciously bizarre, doesn’t it? I don’t know if I’d be into it because of the aforementioned scaredy cat thing but yeah, bizarre. In a good way.
I See You
Loren: That looks like a super solid crime thriller. With more emphasis on the thriller aspect.
Rick: This got really good notices out of SXSW and Fantasia this year, but I didn’t think it got picked up for distribution already. Add it to the list.
Jen: Ooooh I am so curious about this one. This might even get my “in theater” monies.
AJ: Cool to see Helen Hunt doing something really different (for her). Someone on some podcast I listen to said she gives the movie a lot of cred. I buy that. It’s not my “thing” but I’m sure Rick will enjoy it.
Loren: I’m going to hold on this one.
Rick: Sorry. I got bored with this trailer about a minute in.
Jen: I’ll pass on this one. It looks fine, but nothing about it grabs me.
AJ: We’ve seen this movie before, right? Well, not literally seen it because I can’t stand the saccharine nature of films like this, but I just mean it’s not really reinventing the wheel, here. So good luck to Micayla De Ette, who’s been trying to make it for years, but I’ll have to thumbs-down this one.
Loren: I don’t know you guys, I’m kind of into bad southern accent theater.
Rick: Not even terrible Southern accent Nic Cage can get me to watch this. I’ve got a dollar that says both Nic Cage and his sexy wife are dead at the end of this mess.
Jen: I don’t know what’s funnier, this trailer or AJ’s comment on it.
AJ: Nic Cage to Bruce Willis: “Hold YOUR beer?” *Grabs Kelsey Grammer.* “Hold MY beer and pass the Propecia, man.”
Loren: Aw, look at it. Trying to be a real movie.
Rick: I was all prepared to call this ‘White Trash Poltergeist”, then suddenly:
It doesn’t look terrible. Kind of like a freak of the week X-Files episode. I appreciate that the creature is actually someone in a suit and not some CGI mess. I’ll keep an eye out for it.
Jen: This has a “Stranger Things” vibe to it that I could be into. I can’t imaging shelling out for it in a theater though.
AJ: I fully admit that I am running out of cute ways to say “I don’t wanna see this movie because it looks scary.”
Daniel Isn’t Real
Loren: Looks like we’re all on the same page here. This actually looks better than it’s concept, so it’s got that going for it.
Rick: AJ beat me to the Drop Dead Fred reference. I’ll add a sprinkle of Fight Club on top. I’m already paying for Shudder. I may give this a look when it lands there.
Jen: I was going to say Fight Club meets Drop Dead Fred. So consider my comment irrelevant.
AJ: I mean, there’s been rumors of a Drop Dead Fred reboot for a while, right? I’ve mentioned my love of Hannah Marks a couple times in this column so best of luck on this. Looks like it’s got its own style and up and coming talent. Promising.
Loren: The Amell cousins have been working on this one for a while now. Stephen Amell gets enough good will from me to get me in the door for this one.
Rick: I couldn’t stop giggling when it looked like the first powered guy farts fire on the officer during the arrest. Anyway, this looks like an extension of The Tomorrow People series Robbie Amell was on. I’m still a little bummed that got cancelled. It was a solid show. I’ll probably watch this when my inevitable need for some sci-fi action kicks in.
Jen: Yawn. I’ll pass.
AJ: Well, it has this going for it — while I am working on these write ups, I am actually watching Independence Day: Resurgence on cable. It’s REALLY bad. So this looks better than that. And frankly, I am such a fan of the Amells from their CW shows, I would probably see this.
Magic for Humans Season 2
Loren: I went to college with Justin (though I don’t think he remembers me) and he’s been working on his craft since before that. His show is really good but TV magic is hard. I’ll give this a go at some point but I’m in no rush.
Rick: Like AJ mentions, I saw Willman live and really enjoyed his act. I completely forgot this series existed, though. Oops. *shrug* I’m glad he got a second season, though.
Jen: This is some good, light entertainment that my whole family watches. We’ll probably give Season 2 a look as well.
AJ: I watched about half of Season 1 and then the schtick got kind of old for me. But I’ve seen Willman live (with everyone else who contributes here, no less) and really loved the show, so I’ll probably check at least some of this out.
Loren: Anyone notice that Boone has completed the transformation to young Rob Lowe? Otherwise, yeah this has been done a million times before. I think I’m all set.
Rick: Umm…Anyone remember The Strain? Highly successful series of novels that spawned a TV series which ran from 2014 through 2017 on FX? Literally the same plot as this poorly titled thing. Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan should sue.
Jen: Even the title feels like it’s been done before. Pass.
AJ: So Warm Bodies, iZombie, “The Walking Dead” and, of course, “Vampire Diaries” all got together to create this weird hybrid baby?
A Christmas Prince 3: The Royal Baby
Loren: The Lady™ has already added this to her queue. I hope she enjoys it.
Rick: Wait. There were two previous entries? Did we cover them? Nevermind, I don’t care.
Jen: Oh yeah, I’m down for this with a whole bottle of mulled wine in hand.
AJ: It’s a new-baby comedy! A fish-out-of-water romcom! A feminist statement! A sacred-scroll-curse adventure! It’s so many things and none of it matters because I’m sure the Hallmark Channel junkies (I’m looking at you, Jen!) are going to watch this.
Loren: Once again not my normal fare but it looks like a couple of outstanding performances from Kylo Ren and Black Widow.
Rick: I was hoping to see this in theaters but, you know, Netflix hates theatrical windows. I guess I’ll have to watch from my couch.
Jen: I’ve heard nothing but raves about this so I’ll for sure give it a watch.
AJ: Yes. I’ve been waiting to see this and yes.
The Confession Killer
Loren: I wish I was more into true crime stuff because we live in a time where there is so much of it.
Rick: Is there new information about this guy? I only ask because there’s already a pretty solid doc about him (along with a couple of TV series profiles). Also, does this really need five episodes? I know he claims he killed 600 people, but a tremendous number of those claims have been debunked for years. I guess this is mainly for anyone who isn’t familiar with him, but I’ll pass and rewatch Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer instead.
Jen: Pass the popcorn, we got a new murder show!
AJ: This guy’s story is batshit crazy and I am totally going to watch this.
Astronomy Club: The Sketch Show
Loren: Sketch comedy is really hard to pull off. That’s all I’m going to say here.
Rick: And not a single laugh was had in that 90 seconds.
Jen: I’ll give one episode a watch and if I laugh I’m in. I did chuckle at some of this so I’m cautiously optimistic.
AJ: I was going to write this off until I saw some of the cameos and then we got to that subtle “shade” moment the library and I spit my tea out… I will probably check this out.
Into The Dark: A Nasty Piece of Work
Loren: Wait I thought we were done with these.
Rick: To Loren’s observation: I think this is the last one. To AJ’s observation: This is very Ready or Not, and it looks like a half-assed version at that. Hard pass.
Jen: I’m ready to not have to come up with different ways to say I’m not watching these anymore.
AJ: I didn’t see Ready or Not but this strikes me as a little too “been there done that.”
The L Word Generation Q
Loren: I never got into this show the first time around, and I feel it would be weird to start here.
Rick: Never watched the original. I can’t say I have any interest in this rebootquel either.
Jen: Dammit Showtime, I want to watch this and I don’t want to pay for another streaming service. Lame.
AJ: I really liked the original “L Word” and I think this is a reboot/sequel I can actually get behind. (Jen, I’ll hook you up.)
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 3
Loren: I keep meaning to start this show but it suffers from the Amazon curse.
Jen: I am with you AJ, if the episodes were shorter maybe but I couldn’t even make it all the way through season 1.
AJ: Am I the only one who can’t get into this show? It’s my new “Seinfeld.” Sigh.
CBS ALL ACCESS
Tell Me A Story Season 2
Loren: It’s an interesting concept that I’ve never bothered to see if it lives up to it.
Rick: Look, even Picard might not even be enough for me to subscribe to All Access. This show doesn’t even register.
Jen: Oh, no thanks, I’m all loaded up on streaming services for the moment.
AJ: I’ve never heard of this show, so I guess that tells you what you need to know.
So that’s your upcoming weekend in review. Let us know what you saw, liked and/or hated.
As always, you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com/hollywoodpicturenews, Instagram at instagram.com/hollywoodpicturenews, or @HWPicNews on Twitter. And send in your questions/comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.
–Loren, Rick, Jen, and AJ