Welcome to the Weekend Watch. Where we try to point you towards the best ways to spend your viewing time (or, at least, steer you clear of the garbage).
Onward (Released 03/06/20)
Loren: So we missed this last week, sorry about that. It’s doing well though so maybe we won’t miss seeing it this week.
Rick: I’m always happy when something original comes out, but this isn’t ringing my bell. I may throw it on once it hits the Disney+, but I’m in no hurry to see it.
Jen: This feels like it’s right in my wheelhouse, Pixar, fantasy, a hot Chris… but I’m probably going to wait till it’s on Disney+ and watch it with my family rather than blow money at the theater.
Loren: I never got into this or really any of the Valiant Comics. I was mostly a Marvel/DC and Image kid. Where are my good Image adaptations? Anyway this looks pretty ok. Not amazing or anything just ok. Also, since when does Winny the Bish have a British accent?
Rick: Pretty certain I have a good chunk of the original run of this comic boxed up somewhere. Haven’t read it in close to twenty years, so I can’t comment on the quality of the adaptation, but I feel like we got all of the big action pieces in the trailer. And given that there’s been zero buzz around this release, my guess it’s mediocre at best. I’ll watch from my couch.
Jen: I was sure I’d have zero interest in this film, but, aside from Vin Diesel, I was interested. Not run-to-the-theater interested, but certainly on-my-couch interested. The rest of the cast looks fun, no one is taking it too seriously and the premise, which is similar to so many films, seems to mash them together in a way that appeals to me.
I Still Believe
Loren: I’ve gotten so accustomed to seeing KJ Appa with that horrible Archie hair that he looks weird when he has normal hair. Also this looks terrible.
Rick: A faith-based movie disguised as a sappy romance. Super-meh.
Jen: Eeeeeyyyyyyeeeee-rrrroooollllll. Nope.
Loren: I’m not going to lie, the marketing on this has sort of worked on me and I’m curious. Not $20 curious, but I’ll probably see it eventually.
Rick: I’m glad this is getting released. By all accounts it’s actually good. I’ll make time for this one.
Jen: I love Betty Gilpin and this looks like an awesome vehicle for her, but not sure I need this much violence with my satire.
Loren: How you gonna make Touchdown Tate Donovan a white supremacist movie? I didn’t hate what I saw of this but I don’t think it’ll tread any new ground.
Rick: I’m a bit ambivalent about this. It’s lame, but I was inordinately distracted by the lead guy’s hair. It looks like a bad wig. I don’t think I’d be able to take the story seriously.
Jen: Manic Pixie Dreamgirl alert!
Loren: With all that punching you’d think this was a boxing movie. I have no idea what kind of movie it is, but I don’t think it’s a boxing movie.
The Roads Not Taken
Loren: At first I thought it was just that Javier Bardem was filled with ennui, but then it turns out he’s living the two different roads of his novel. That’s an interesting concept but I don’t know that it’ll play out in a watchable way.
Rick: It’s a top notch cast, but it all feels very familiar. Like a mix of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and The Sea Inside. I’ll see how reviews are, but I’m kind of into it.
Jen: Interesting although I feel like I’ve seen this movie a couple of different times or variations of it, although I might be willing to see it again since Javier Bardem is a delight.
The Postcard Killings
Loren: I was watching this trailer trying to figure out what kind of 90s crime thriller shit this was and then I realized it’s written by the same guy that wrote all those other 90s crime thrillers. So thanks James Patterson!
Rick: Man, what a bargain bin title that is. It feels like the name of a CSI episode. Also, there’s probably a CSI episode where the killer uses art as an inspiration. It’s an easy trope to latch onto. Pass.
Jen: This is definitely a paperback title I’ve seen on that spinny bin at the library. What’s that thing called? A book carousel? Something like that? Yeah… what was I talking about?
Ride Like a Girl
Loren: I honestly thought we’d already covered a movie called this. It was some faith based garbage a few months ago. But this is not that. This is, however, the most Australian movie about horse racing I can think of. So there’s that.
Rick: I’m sure that’s terribly heartwarming, but I’m totally okay missing it.
Jen: Seems like a great story, I don’t imagine I’ll get around to it, but good to know it’s out there.
Never Rarely Sometimes Always
Loren: That trailer was a lot more… I don’t know… powerful(?) than I thought it would be. This looks like a rather harrowing tale.
Rick: 100% in. I’ve been waiting for this to come out.
Jen: I’m… excited to see this. Excited is not the right word, but I can’t find exactly the word. I’m going to see this, let’s leave it at that.
Loren: This looks like cheap Mexican Resident Evil and I’m kinda here for it.
Rick: I will fully admit to gasping with excitement when the Troma logo came up. This looks like the delightfully cheapjack Troma trash I grew up watching. Gimmiegimmiegimmie!
Jen: (points to self) Not the Target Demographic for this one.
Loren: I know that this is supposed to be sensational but I’m not sure I can get past the impetus of the movie. Also that might be the most douchey thing I’ve ever said.
Rick: I’ve seen this already and I highly recommend it. While the trailer highlights the more uncomfortable physical elements, there’s so much more going on here. It’s a deftly made character piece about OCD, childhood trauma, and a woman’s agency over her own body. Is it a horror film? Yes, but not in the more conventional sense. It’s more along the lines of Todd Hayne’s film, Safe: Quiet, desperately real, and filled with relatable fears. Definitely worth seeking out.
Jen: I’ve heard and read a lot about this and I am beyond curious to check it out.
M.O.M. Mother of Monsters
Loren: It’s an interesting take on both the found footage and teen shooter tropes (sad that the last one is a trope now). But it also doesn’t look all that amazing. I really dig the concept that the kid is just misunderstood and the mom is a bit looney but this seems to go too over the top.
Rick: I’m no stranger to nihilistic movies, but this feels a bit too edgelord-y for me. I mean, they’re both loony. Awesome. What else you got? Oh, that’s it? *mouthfart*
Jen: Ed Asner? That’s all I got.
Loren: So on the surface this looks like a weird romance with a little of “the entertainment industry will gobble you up”. But after reading Rick’s entry below it turns out there’s more going on with Simon Pegg’s character, and that makes it just a tad more interesting.
Rick: I had to look up this movie to see what the hell that throwaway line “you can hear their transmissions” was about. Apparently Simon Pegg’s character has schizophrenia, and that’s what the lionshare of the movie is about (Not a spoiler. It’s part of the movie’s logline). Definitely doesn’t come across in that trailer. As it stands, that trailer did nothing for me, but I’m at least casually interested now that I know what it’s really about. I’ll keep an eye out for it.
Jen: Occasionally, Loren emails me and says I skipped responding to one of the trailers and inevitably it’s because I watched it and had zero reaction so decided to come back to it and then forgot. This week, this was the movie. I guess it’s fine? Sure.
Inside The Rain
Loren: It really feels like they are running out of ways to make the “indie romance” movie differ from the last one.
Rick: It looks like there’s at least some level of charm lurking in there, but it’s not enough to pull me in.
Jen: This looks… fine, I’m really not getting anything out of it other than they wanted to cast Bill Burr in the father role and couldn’t get him so got a reasonable facsimile.
Loren: This is both fascinating and terrifying to me.
Rick: This is moving up to the top of my docs list. This arm of science fascinates me.
Jen: This looks pretty fascinating, I’ve heard loads about CRISPR but would be happy to learn more!
Loren: How many of these are we going to make?
Jen: Sure, fine, whatever.
Carmen Sandiego: To Steal or Not To Steal
Loren: I haven’t watched any of this new Carmen Sandiego. I feel like it’s kinda weird to make her the hero after her being the antagonist for so long.
Rick: Not to steal. Or watch, for that matter.
Jen: Without Rockapella I have no love for Carmen Sandiego. Although AJ’s costume was great that one year.
Marc Maron: End Times Fun
Loren: Already watched it. It’s really good, if you like Marc Maron.
Rick: I’m very hit or miss with Marc Maron. I find he grates on me more often than not. I’ll probably skip this.
Jen: Black humor, but it is humor. I’ll give this a watch.
Dirty Money Season 2
Loren: I couldn’t really handle it with season 1 and I don’t think I will for season 2.
Rick: I don’t need yet another reminder that the world is filled with terrible people and we’re kind of fucked. Thanks, though.
Jen: I watched the first season and wasn’t as crushed as I thought I’d be… not sure that’s a ringing endorsement but I’d be willing to give season 2 a chance.
Loren: I find that horror TV is really hard to pull off. And I’m not sure that this has changed my opinion on that.
Rick: I’m confused about what the bus has to do with anything. Is it the connecting thread? Is it a metaphor? Is it a poor storytelling mechanic? Regardless, as much as I might say I want to see this, I’ll probably never get around to it. There are four-ish unwatched seasons worth of Black Mirror episodes and the entire run of The Haunting of Hill House that can attest to that.
Jen: Wow, if Rick isn’t even in to that I don’t know what I can add.
Loren: So it’s a typical underdog sports movie. Got it.
Rick: Thanks, trailer. You gave away the entire movie in two minutes. Now I don’t have to bother with the other ninety-five.
Jen: Way to race-movie, race movie. I’m gonna skip this one.
Loren: This kinda feels like the modern day version of those James Patterson movies/books I was talking about earlier. We took those and somehow made them grittier.
Rick: It looks well made, but I’d rather watch a documentary about this story.
Jen: Glad to see Amy Ryan out there killing it, but this isn’t for me.
Westworld Season 3
Loren: I haven’t finished season 2 yet but I plan to. Once I do that, season 3 is the obvious next choice.
Rick: This is another series I don’t think I’m ever going to catch up on. It’s right in my wheelhouse, but I think it’s been talked up too much for me to get into it now. Oh well. It’s not as if I don’t have enough to watch, #toomuchcontent
Jen: I got a sneak peek at the first episode of Season 3 and I love the addition of Aaron Paul’s character. I was waning a bit in mid-late Season 2, but I am back for Season 3 for sure.
Agatha Christie: The Pale Horse
Loren: Ok fine, I like the way THIS murder mystery looks. Happy now this week:?
Jen: I can’t resist an Agatha Christie adaptation, especially one that looks this well put together.
Loren: Yeah, this feels a bit reductive. I’m out.
Rick: It’s a manic-pixie Disney girl! I’m sure this is for someone, but I am not them.
Jen: Ugh. If this were about the girl or from her perspective, maybe but this is really the worst-case scenario of amazing girl exists solely to make boring boy more interesting. No.
So that’s your upcoming weekend in review. Let us know what you saw, liked and/or hated.
As always, you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com/hollywoodpicturenews, Instagram at instagram.com/hollywoodpicturenews, or @HWPicNews on Twitter. And send in your questions/comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.
–Loren, Rick, and Jen