Welcome to the Weekend Watch. Where we try to point you towards the best ways to spend your viewing time (or, at least, steer you clear of the garbage).
Loren: Sure, I guess. Not usually a gangster type film guy but this could be fun. At least it’s not taking itself super seriously.
RDT: I’m not a huge Guy Ritchie fan but I did enjoy that trailer. So, yeah, sure, why not?
Rick: This movie needs Statham, but otherwise I’m in.
AJ: Oh Henry Golding, let me love you….. Sorry, what? Oh, the movie? Yeah, okay. I’m in.
Loren: Man Finn Wolfhard is just suuuper typecast into these horror flicks. You’d hope that at least they would look better than this one does.
RDT: The only Turning I’ll be doing is turning away from the direction in which this movie is playing!
Rick: I feel like some sort of A.I. is just cranking out these generic looking scare flicks anymore. It’s like they loaded in some sort of checklist and hit ‘run’. Muted color pallet? ☑ Creepy old house? ☑ With a dark secret? ☑ Young children who are a little “off”? ☑☑ Host of unconvincing jumpscares? ☑☑☑☑☑☑ Gags from other, better movies? ☑ I could keep going, but you get the picture. Mackenzie Davis, you’re better than this.
AJ: The only thing I like here is Mackenzie Davis.
The Last Full Measure
Loren: I shouldn’t feel meh here but alas that’s how I feel.
RDT: I don’t understand this movie. Like, not that it’s confusing, but more that it exists and just looks so terrible. Great cast, but otherwise, the definition of mediocre. Pass.
Rick: With this cavalcade of amazing actors, why the hell does this movie look so cheap? I have a feeling someone called in every favor they ever had for this. I’m not convinced it was worth it.
AJ: Once again I look at the cast here, a veritable roster of Hollywood all stars, including the late great Peter Fonda, and I’m just confounded I’ve heard nothing about this movie til now. Which makes me think that is because someone didn’t think it was worth marketing? Seems like an important story but something about Sebastian Stan uttering “it’ll make good television” felt metaphorical. I’ll wait for the TNT broadcast.
Loren: I wish I was into disaster movies more than I am. This could have been a lot of fun but I’ll probably never know.
RDT: Well doesn’t that just look ridiculous, but I’ll pass. You may find this hard to believe, but I hate dubbing in movies more than I hate reading movies.
Rick: I didn’t even finish the trailer. I’m all in on this ridiculous-looking piece of disaster movie goodness.
AJ: Oh dear god. No, no, no. NO. Also, ALL THE PRODUCTION COMPANIES!
Loren: Yeah this has a more comedic Widows vibe to it maybe? But the difference is that Widows looked good and this looks mediocre at best. Maybe it’s a cultural thing?
RDT: This is probably a bit of a shock, but I was kinda into that trailer. I mean, there was reading and it was all over the place. But still, I liked it. I might actually watch this movie.
I’m never going to watch this movie.
Rick: I feel like I should be more into this movie, but I just can’t muster any enthusiasm. *shrug*
AJ: Is this the French film version of “Good Girls” on NBC? Cause I would rather watch “Good Girls” on NBC.
My Name is Myeisha
Loren: I guess it’s just me but I was kinda into that. I don’t know that I’ll ever get around to it, but here’s to hoping that I do.
RDT: Looks both artsy AND fartsy.
Rick: I checked out halfway through that trailer. Clearly it’s not for me.
AJ: I don’t think I can listen to that much beatboxing without going slightly crazy.
Mr Zoo: Missing VIP
Loren: This looks like a vehicle for The Rock and that man is no The Rock.
RDT: I don’t get it.
Rick: Ooh…oh god…what fresh hell is this?
AJ: “A laughter bursting comedy!” No, no it’s not. Did we learn nothing from Robert Downey Jr., Korea?
Loren: Why does that look so bad? It’s like the filmmakers stopped putting any effort into it after casting was completed. I really like Terry Crews and I don’t want to tell people what to do with their lives but man should stick to comedy. He excels at that.
RDT: I truly could not care less about this movie.
Rick: What…What the hell is that thing on Ludacris’ face? And, Terry Crews, I love you, but you’re better than this. Can we just cast this man as Luke Cage in the MCU?
AJ: What is that even about?! I am lost with no desire to be found.
Loren: I was about to add my two cents about how I hate when these type of super low budget flicks cheap out on the audio, which I do. But then I noticed it was starring two of them Coppola boys and got even madder about how terrible this looks.
RDT: All I had to do was read what Rick and AJ said. I’m out!
Rick: No. Absolutely not. The moment Lin Shaye shows up in the cast of a horror movie it’s a guarantee that it’s garbage on toast. Get TF Gone.
AJ: I know just enough about horror movies to know this is an amalgam of several other ones that are far superior. That looks… cheap.
Loren: Besides the fact that this looks extremely run of the mill, I’m really bugged by that title treatment. It looks so tacked on.
RDT: The trailer reveals a little too much for my tastes. And I have no idea who Aden Young is or why he deserves a movie. But otherwise, looks cute. I’ll keep it on the radar.
Rick: This looks…fine? They’re all good actors, but the story feels entirely too predictable.
Detective Chinatown 3
Loren: I look forward to Rick tracking these down because these movies seem just stupid enough that they might be enjoyable.
RDT: The title sounds like a Simpsons movie parody.
Rick: The first two in this series were huge hits in China, both critically and at the box office, though they’re hard to find anywhere else. Even the first one only seems to be on DVD in Asia. I’ll keep digging. I feel like these are worth a watch.
AJ: I have to pass here. That is way far out of my wheelhouse.
Color Out Of Space
Loren: Weird. I’m in.
RDT: I’m intrigued. Feels a little like The Tommyknockers. I might keep it on my radar, or wait for Rick to screen it!
Rick: I’ve been waiting for this to come out since it debuted at TIFF last year. I already have the UHD in my cart. I feel like I’m going to want this bundle of madness in the library.
AJ: Rick, you’re in for a treat because I believe Richard Stanley is planning for this to be the first of a trilogy. Are he and Nic Cage just a match made in heaven or what? I will probably skip this for the fear factor but congrats to them for being Certified Fresh ahead of their release.
Assassin 33 A.D.
RDT: What, the fresh hell, was that???
Rick: This look godawful. It also steals 90% of its premise from Pax Romana. I hope Rifftrax gets a crack at this one.
AJ: I had to pause on the screen that said “Nominated for Best Screenplay in more international film festivals than any other in history.” And then I had to laugh my ass off. And then I resumed watching. You guys, read the comments on YouTube. The filmmakers are RESPONDING. It is amazing. (Heidi Montag is in this movie. I hope they are also winning a lot of Best Casting awards, too.)
What Did Jack Do?
RDT: I’ve just never clicked with Lynch, though I do enjoy Mulholland Drive.
Rick: Bless you, David Lynch, you stupendous weirdo.
AJ: I wish I did drugs.
Loren: This feels like one of those SyFy originals that goes on for like 13 seasons but no one watches.
RDT: I feel like I’ve seen this show a hundred times before.
Rick: This is just Supernatural, right? Try harder, Netflix.
AJ: On paper, I like the premise. That trailer, however, did not reflect said premise. So I am confused.
the goop lab with Gwyneth Paltrow
Loren: Why are we enabling her?
RDT: What AJ said. 100%. (Though she is great as Pepper Potts….)
Rick: Sure. This is exactly what this goddamn dunce needs is a huge platform to pander her harmful and medically unsound garbage products to the masses. But you know, subscribers! FFS.
AJ: I won’t even click to watch this trailer. I hate everything about her Goopy nonsense.
The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Part 3
Loren: I have enjoyed this series so far but I’m a little concerned about the turn in to Buffy lite that we’re about to take. I don’t feel like Sabrina’s friends are as likeable as the Scooby gang.
RDT: I’m still behind on parts 1 & 2.
Rick: I think I’m at least half way through Part 2. It’s been a while since I watched. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, mind you. I just don’t find the need to blow through them like some other series. This should push me to dive back in.
AJ: This series is still on my “to get to someday” list and that’s that.
Shrill Season 2
Loren: I like Aidy a lot but never got to Season 1.
RDT: I meant to check out season 1 and never did. **shrugs**
Rick: I started this series and enjoyed it, but it was a bit of a frustrating watch. It’s hard to explain, but I kept getting bothered by some of Annie’s decisions. I kept wanting her to make better choices and found it hard to watch her fail. I guess that signals I’m connecting with the character. If I didn’t care it wouldn’t bother me. I should go back and finish the first season at least. They’re so short I really have no excuse.
AJ: I could write an essay about “Shrill.” I will try to keep this short. For the first few episodes, I felt truly seen. So much of what I saw portrayed in that show was all too real for my own life. But as the season progressed, I started to resent her. She is selfish. And not in a self-protecting defensible way. She makes terrible choices and treats people terribly. And that is not how I want to see us plus sized girls depicted on television. At the end of the Season One, there was ultimately stuff I liked and a lot I did not. I will probably give second season a chance but I’m not in any rush to do so.
CBS ALL ACCESS
Loren: I was never a real Star Trek fan but I’ve really enjoyed what the current team is doing. So I’m definitely down to see what has become of one (or more) of the fandoms favorite characters.
RDT: Already watched it. I’m happy so far. Engage, motherfuckers.
Rick: While I like Star Trek, I’ve never been as big a fan as nearly everyone else I know. This is one of those that I might get to eventually, but knowing Next Generation solely from the movies, I feel like I’m going to be missing something here. Also, this isn’t enough for me to pay for CBS All Access. Frankly, I don’t think anything will ever push me to buy in.
AJ: I just signed up for CBS All Access. They finally got me. Because Jean Luc Picard, bitches. I am 1000% MAKING THIS SO. (Relevant: Wanna see something super lovely by the way? Watch this moment.)
So that’s your upcoming weekend in review. Let us know what you saw, liked and/or hated.
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–Loren, RDT, Rick, and AJ