Welcome to the Weekend Watch. Where we try to point you towards the best ways to spend your viewing time (or, at least, steer you clear of the garbage).
Movies
Wide Release
The Meg
Loren: Fine whatever, but how come it keeps changing size? Sometimes it’s a really big shark and sometimes it’s the size of like 3 submarines. Make up your mind.
RDT: This movie looks absolutely ridiculous. In.
Rick: If Statham doesn’t punch a shark I’m going to be disappointed.
Jen:
Slender Man
Loren: We’ve gotten to the point where they make movies about Creepy Pasta. See ya later world, I’m out.
RDT: Wow. If Rick’s not into it, I sure as hell ain’t gonna watch it.
Rick: Snore. I’m with Jen on this one.
Jen: Meh. I’d rather re-watch Beware the Slenderman, the HBO doc. It is far creepier.
BlacKkKlansman
Loren: Oh yes. This looks fantastic, and I’m not usually a Spike Lee guy.
RDT: People are saying this could be Spike Lee’s best film ever. So, yeah, in (eventually).
Rick: Early reviews are putting this on par with Do the Right Thing. Absolutely in.
Jen: Yep, the pedigree is strong, the politics are relevant, and I laughed. In.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As6GDHbEL7Y
Dog Days
Loren: Is this supposed to be like New Years Eve but for dogs? I mean dogs are super cute and all but I don’t think I’d waste my time on this movie. I’d rather just go to @dog_rates instead.
RDT: Well doesn’t this just look like a terrible movie. Yes it does! Yes it does!
Rick: Look, I love dogs as much as the next person, but this might be the most generic movie to ever movie. Pass.
Jen: Did Garry Marshall come back from the dead to direct one more movie? (Damn, Jen, that’s cold…. –RDT)
If you’re a regular listener, you may know there are plans afoot to reboot the GI Joe franchise. Before Hasbro and Hollywood fuck it up though, I thought I’d take a crack at it first.
My GI Joe movie gets to the core of the (1980’s) premise. No pseudo-Iron Man suits. No Marlon Wayans. And, perhaps regretfully, no Rock. Inspired by the original 1983 mini-series, this would be a wall-to-wall action flick.
Representing the best of each military branch, GI Joe is an elite squad tasked with the most difficult of missions. Cobra works from the shadows. The less known they are, the more effective they can be.
The plot is simple. Cobra is an underground terrorist group financed by Tomax & Xamot’s Extensive Enterprises. They’ve stolen an advanced military weapons satellite. The US government, fearing public outcry, tasks General Hawk with recruiting a small team to go in and recover it, hopefully taking down Cobra along the way.
Let’s talk casting.
The Joes:
Gung-Ho – Michael Rooker
RoadBlock – Mike Colter
Lady Jaye -Zoey Saldana
Scarlett – Jessica Chastain
Snake Eyes – Stunt guy (no flashbacks, never seen with his mask off, no talking)
Duke – Chris Pine
General Hawk – Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Cobra:
Tomax/Xamot – Armie Hammer
Zartan – Joel Edgerton
Zarana – Isla Fisher
Baroness – Haley Atwell
Destro – Idris Elba
Storm Shadow – Jay Chou
Dr. Mindbender – Ben Kingsley
Cobra Commander – Ben Mendelsohn
Director: Fuck it, James Gunn. I think he’d really nail the tone, have some fun with it.
