Welcome to the Weekend Watch. Where we try to point you towards the best ways to spend your viewing time (or, at least, steer you clear of the garbage).
Playmobil The Movie
Loren: Seeing as how I’m the “LEGO guy” of the group I have taken a hard stance on all other children’s toy properties. Also seeing as how meh all the other LEGO movies have been (besides the original) I don’t know why they thought this would be a good idea.
Rick: I suppose this was an inevitability, but with the tepid reception of the last Lego movie I can’t imagine this is going to sell a lot of tickets. Also, Frozen II is still making money hand over fist and booked on nearly all the screens in every multiplex. STX should have just released this next February. Then it might have had a chance.
Jen: This looks… fine. Nothing in here makes me want to rush out and see it, it really feels like a LEGO movie knock off, which it is, I guess.
AJ: …. Really?! And how is this movie coming out wide this week and this is the first time I’m hearing anything about it? Good luck with that, I guess.
Loren: Everyone below really nails it here. I also cringed at the VO, and assumed that she was in love with her brother. The Philippines are weird man.
Rick: I’m sorry, but they completely lost me with the hilariously over the top voice over (that’s in English instead of Tagalog, for some reason). I just can’t take any of this seriously.
Jen: There’s a lot going on here, is one of the friends marrying the brother of the other but also there’s an affair? But not with the brother, right? There’s not some sort of weird incest thing happening… or is there? Is that the unforgivable sin? Yikes. I might just have to write my own fan-fic version of this trailer.
AJ: Dear lord, there are some really bad wigs in that movie. Didn’t know they had telenovelas in the Philippines.
Loren: Woof. Shit like this is usually right up my alley but it really needs to be a step or two better. This just looks predictable and lazy. Also it looks like they try for a horror bent at one point because our heroine looks way worse for wear in one of those scenes. A failure on multiple levels!
Rick: Man, someone needs to help Bruce Willis kick his boat-buying habit.
Jen: I think I got Action Movie BINGO; dirty cops, dead partner, free space, hot witness who needs protection. I win, right?
AJ: Nic Cage was like “watch me make all the bad movies,” and Bruce Willis was all “HOLD MY BEER.”