I asked for it, and Hollywood answered. Sort of. I mean, I did say worthwhile trailers but this will have to do.
Full disclosure, I didn’t see the original The Mechanic (1972) or the 2011 remake. The latter sat in my DVR for years before I blew it away (I don’t know why, it just did). All that being said, I’m a big Jason Statham fan, and Jessica Alba still looks good so why not, right?
The basic premise of the first one in relation to this sequel is Jason Statham plays Arthur Bishop, an elite assassin whose marks are killed in a manner that looks like an accident. Bishop ends up going on a revenge spree after one of the few people he’s close to is killed. He also trains an apprentice who does not appear to be in the sequel. It looked like and was marketed as a dark thriller more than an action movie. This seems to have gone out the window for the newest entry. As for the plot of Resurrection well, let’s talk about the trailer.
- The trailer opens in Sydney with Bishop in a helicopter over a building with a very precarious and stupidly placed glass swimming pool.
- As the impossibly rich man is about to go for his morning swim, we see that somehow Bishop (whom I will refer to solely as The Stath from now on) has gotten out of the helicopter, scaled the building and has placed himself directly under the ridiculous swimming pool.
- The Stath uses suction cups to hang himself under the hubris pool and starts drilling a hole in the bottom. I think he means to kill the man swimming.
- The swimming man, who is either Sean Bean or Jaime Lannister but probably neither, sees The Stath just as he finishes compromising the bottom of the least safe thing in the world glass pool.
- The pool cracks and pours out it’s water, and “Sean Lannister”, just as The Stath jumps away to safety.
- Jessica Alba’s Gina walks along the set of Couple’s Retreat
- The Stath is propositioned by a woman to do a job where each death must look like an accident. As we just saw, this is his forté.
- That is intercut with spy like imagery of looking down a scope, Rio, a dossier, The Stath riding a motorcycle, yachts, a briefcase with cash, guns and ammo clips etc.
- The Stath grumbles to Gina that he’s not doing these kills. I bet you he does some of them. Just to feel alive, you know?
- Finally we get to the part where The Stath actually gets to beat the unholy shit out of a bunch of guys, which as we all know, is in his contract.
- Somehow they get the better of him and hold him back with their unfair advantage (read: machine guns), allowing them to take Gina.
- Riah Crain (Sam Hazeldine) pops up out of nowhere to throw a file at The Stath and tell him that he’s been waiting too long to get even with him. I pause to check if he was in the first movie, he wasn’t, ok cool.
- The Stath is told he has 36 hours to eliminate all the targets on the list or they’ll eliminate Gina. I see what they did there with that clever word play.
- This of course puts The Stath on offense which is not where you want him if you are the ones that have a gun to Jessica Alba’s head.
- The Stath uses his assassin spy tech to tap into some security cameras and make his way into a secure building. All of that is to get into Max Adams’ (Tommy Lee Jones) safe room.
- Can we just take a minute to really let Tommy Lee Jones’ look sink in. Red lensed round sunglasses, an earring, and a soul patch. He’s like a hacker from the the movie Hackers, …no not that good. He looks like he’s from a direct to dvd sequel to Swordfish. He didn’t look this 90’s in the 90’s.
- We cut to The Stath dropping an elevator down the shaft that has a grenade attached to it. This really emphasises the “This Summer” title card.
- The Stath explains that he’s spent his whole life setting people up to die as he snipes a guard. Of course, that’s just killing someone not really setting them up, but I digress.
- In a prison yard, The Stath and a one knife armed fellow are about to have a chat when The Stath throws a shiv into his chest.
- He tells Gina that he’s setting her up to live. Which doesn’t make all that much sense but I’m not going to tell him. Did you see what he just did with that shiv?
- Match book explosion turns on the hip hop.
- The explosion blew open a wall in the prison and The Stath uses the opportunity to escape and do a little cliff diving.
- The Stath tells Adams that he’s going to help him avoid an accident… by killing him!?!?! Oh, faking his death, got it.
- Adams old mans at The Stath saying that he never imagined dying would be so mumble mumble!
- The bad guy carting Gina around by her hair is re-payed with a shot to the groin and then neck while she makes her escape from the yacht she was being kept on.
- The Stath shoulder checks possibly the same guy through a window of the yacht before they tumble over.
- Intercut with lots of murders read title cards that say “He Executes” “At a Higher Level”. A slow clap can be heard from behind my keyboard.
- This movie is apparently about The Stath jumping off of things as for the third time in less than two minutes he does just that. This time off a gondola in the mountains.
- Gina says that the people pursuing them are relentless, to which The Stath coolly responds. “So am I.”
- Then in possibly the most graphic thing I’ve ever seen in a green band trailer, The Stath drives the barrel of an assault rifle into a guy’s neck and then punches it further in. This is punctuated with the aforementioned yacht exploding bringing up the final title cards.
And there we have it. This feels like a dark take on The Transporter more than a sequel to The Mechanic in that it’s so over the top and ridiculous action wise, but he’s still a merciless killer. That being said this could be a lot of fun and I might have to check it out.
The Mechanic: Resurrection opens everywhere August 26th.