That trailer’s pretty good right? In all fairness it doesn’t show much, but the stuff it does show is pretty cool. Overall the Pirates movies have had a rough go of it following Curse of the Black Pearl. The sequel, Dead Man’s Chest, is very lacklustre, and has that sort of non-finish a la The Empire Strikes Back (but you know, not as good). At World’s End is actually kinda an ok finish to the series, but then the series didn’t finish because studios like money so they made the pretty terrible On Stranger Tides. Sexy evil mermaids! Blackbeard! Christianity! All the things you’ve ever wanted in a movie franchise based on a theme park ride!
Dead Men Tell No Tales looks to right the ship, so to speak, and bring the fun of the original back. We know that Orlando Bloom‘s Will Turner is back and there have been hints that Keira Knightley will return as Elizabeth Swann-Turner. As long as they reign in Johnny Depp and have Jack Sparrow return to a supporting cast member and not the focus we might be ok. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Oh well. Let’s get on with it and Talk About The First Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Trailer.
- The trailer opens with a deckhand seeing what looks to be a zombified bird. A Zombird™ if you will. So I guess instead of ghosts this time around it’s zombies. Joy.
- The Zombird™ flies away before the deckhand can finish his double take/splash water in your face to wash away the crazy move that no one actually does, so he assumes it was all in his head.
- Just kidding the Zombird™ is now right in front of him. Screaming ensues.
- Disney Logo, this time the castle is all pirate cove-y.
- Johnny Cash plays and his estate makes more money.
- A zombified ship breaches out of the ocean.
- The unnamed (as of now) Zombie Ship approaches Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush)’s ship and the undead Salazar (Javier Bardem) drops down behind him.
- The Zombie Ship (patent pending) lays waste to a few ships at sea.
- A lovely bald lady says that the dead have taken command of the sea and are searching for a sparrow. This is pretty on the nose.
- The zombies from the Zombie Ship (patent pending) chase a woman ashore that looks a hell of a lot like Elizabeth Swann, but I was pretty convinced that if Keira Knightley was going to show up in this one it would be in a tag at the end.
- The zombies have learned a trick from the original zombie and can walk on water.
- Barbossa becomes the Dominic Toretto of the sea and rides his ship on the very edge of some sort of oceanic sink hole. This is something I never thought I would have typed, but here we are.
- We get a title card for “This Memorial Day” instead of a date. This irks me. Does it open on Monday the 29th? Friday the 26th? Wednesday the 31st? When!?!?
- Salazar sails the Zombie Ship (patent pending) through another ship causing the type of fiery explosion you expect from a Jerry Bruckheimer film.
- We get a title card for “Dead Men” and a shot of Will Turner with barnacles on his face. Showing us that he’s been Davy Jones (the pirate not the Monkee) for the last ten years and is considered dead-ish.
- A quick shot of some zombie sharks (Zomsharks? Sharkies? We’re still in beta for this one).
- A burning Jolly Roger falls. It’s actually a pretty slick image.
- Then, because we haven’t seen him all trailer, Jack Sparrow, inexplicably covered in mud, slaps down the compass he uses and gives us the line “Pirates life.”
- We get the skull and crossbones logo for this outing and it’s gold plated with tribal markings on it. It actually looks pretty cool, even with both of those descriptors working against it.
- It finishes with the final title card for Dead Men Tell No Tales reminding us that it opens Memorial Day (still no numerical date).
With most of the surviving main cast returning and the talk of this movie having more of a Curse of the Black Pearl feel to it, I’m cautiously optimistic. Gone are the days where as sequels go on they get worse and worse. Maybe the fifth movie in a franchise will be the second best. What a world.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales opens everywhere Memorial Day (which if very confusing because movies don’t open on Mondays).